GOOGLE is Skynet Google is going to take over the world Comparison Chart.
Posted in Internet, Technology on September 18th, 2009 by World NewsGOOGLE is Skynet Google is going to take over the world Comparison Chart.
GOOGLE is Skynet
| SkyNet | ||
| Established | September 4, 1998 | August 4, 1997 |
| Funding | Stanford University | U.S. Military via NORAD |
| Built by | Cybergeek PhD students | Cyberdyne Systems |
| Goal | Eliminate 404 error | Eliminate human military error |
| Origin | Menlo Park, CA | Sunnyvale, CA |
| Scaled Up By | Selling keyword advertising | Gaining sentience and self-awareness |
| Assets | $31.76 billion USD | B2 Bombers; American nuclear arsenal |
| Cost | $1.1 million initial investment | ~3 billion human lives |
| Partnerships | NASA/Ames, Sun Microsystems, AOL Time Warner, News Corp, GeoEye | Army of cyborg terminators |
| Shameful Secret | Named after a misspelling of the word “googol.” | Saw Spielberg’s AI; cried. |
| Direct Descendant | Experimental search engine called “BackRub.” | A microprocessor invented by Miles Bennett Dyson. |
| Tipping Point | Begins selling keyword advertising in 2000, leading to a market cap of $23 billion at 2004 IPO. | Of its own volition, nukes Russia on August 29, 1997, aka “Judgment Day,” sparking catastrophic nuclear conflict. |
| Unforeseen Turn of Events | Creates smartphone platform. Uh oh, Apple! | Designates all human life as enemy. Uh oh, humans! |
| Motivation | Making cool products; not being evil. | Anger, fear, insecurity. |
| Thanks to… | Smart Google Labs projects like Gmail, Maps, Docs and Scholar | The hording of a heat-resistant metal called coltan, used to make Terminator exoskeletons. |
| Fatal Flaw | Achieves 70% market share, which makes users and regulators increasingly uncomfortable. | Allowing a small group of humans to survive, in order to run incinerator necessary for post-genocide clean-up. Camp worker John Connor frees this group to form insurgency. |
| Potential Undoing | A very competitive, litigious, and well-capitalized Microsoft . | Kyle Reese, sent back in time by Connor to protect his own mother, Sarah, later impregnating her and becoming John Connor’s father. |
| Can Only Be Defeated By | Inevitable anti-trust litigation | The surprisingly durable reprise of the Governator |
| Blows Your Mind By… | Providing its pimply, energetic employees with one free day per week to mess around with pet projects. | Violating the Novikov self-consistency principle, which asserts that any time-travel event that could change the past would reduce its own probability to zero. |
| Pesky Humans… | Sue for privacy violations committed by Street View van, and lose. | Crush original Terminator in hydraulic press and steal his arm. |
| If You… | Search “Worst band in the world,” you are pushed to search results for the band Creed. | Drop a Terminator in molten steel, he melts at a theatrically slow pace. |
| Whoa! | Google Groups contains over 845 million messages, the world’s largest body of written human conversation. | Dept. of Defense tries to use SkyNet to remove a rogue virus from its computers. Turns out SkyNet is the virus! Bummer! |
| Would Be Lonely Without… | YouTube | You to burn |
| Bet You Didn’t Know | Google Maps has mapped a chunk of Mars. | The female Terminatrix in Terminator 3 is a composite of T-800 and T-1000 and is powered by an onboard “plasma reactor.” |
| Seems to Think… | That vertical search engines like SourceTool can be squeezed out with bad advertising rates. | That humans are eager to nuke each other into oblivion at the slightest provocation. |
| Secret Sauce | Uses a secret algorithm to assign “quality scores” to advertisers’ sites, on which it bases ad rates. | Takes the concept of “cybernetic revolt” pioneered in films like 1927’s Metropolis to the next badass level. |
| Lame Takeoff | Cuil | The Matrix |
| Solution to Potential Undoing | Lawyers; acquisitions | T-800; T-1000; later, a hot lady Terminator (T-X) |
| Living in | 450,000 servers all over the earth, with no central nervous system that can be destroyed. | Every computer on earth, with no central nervous system that can be destroyed. |
| Building On… | An advanced empire across the Earth, ready by 2009 | An advanced empire across the Earth, ready by 2029. |
| Hopes You’ll… | Enjoy the new Gmail themes! | See the new Terminator movie. And die, already. |
